Pre-missing home

Leaving is hard when its conflicted.

 I have wanted this trip for so long and so many times I catch myself thinking 'whats the point? Im leaving soon anyway.' But as I glance through my apartment that has been my home for over five years, I am getting nostalgic. I am pre-missing my home. 

I have left home many times before, but I left on shorter trips, the longest being two months, knowing Ill return. I won't have an address. I won't have a PO box, In the US's eyes, Ill be an expat. Weird to think about that. just weird. moving all the time not stopping for longer than a month, then on the road again. Loosing touch with all my friends, distancing myself figuratively and literally, from a majority of society because travel changes people. I have been through it, I've seen it and I have trouble grappling with the kind of changes I will undergo. I don't, not like me. Im a good guy and I enjoy my life here. So the argument goes on, I don't have to leave. No one is making me and when I go over this in my head, I know that. No one is making me go. I can stay here in my tacky low rent los angeles apartment. stick to the comforts of living and settle in for a life of comfort. 

That one question is all I need to ask to get me going again. 'Would I regret staying or going?' That seals it. I am scared but I know in my heart that I would regret staying. 

So thats it. No more debate, no more questions. Just go