GOING BACK TO WORK

05/08/15

It's ironic but I feel my vacation is over. We have two days left before we get to BCN and it feels like I am going back to work. Somehow I struggle with the idea of what is to come as work. No more spa, no more 10 course dinner with our amazing waiter Alex, who unavoidably always brings the pasta dish for us to share even though we've already had 4 appetizers and said no. We still eat it though.
        It feels like my vacation is over and yet this adventure is but merely two weeks in. I feel that what is to come is so unknown to me that it will be a struggle. That it will be work. There are still moments when we retell the story for the 25th time about this trip that I wonder what fuck we are doing. Why? This is isn't me. I am not the bike across Europe on my own kind of person. I am SPA days, manicures, 4 pillows minimum, good wine, good food kind of person. I guess at my core I am a life cruiser.
        A cruiser as I am learning are those who like the comfortable life. They get the beverage package in life. That beverage package is the ultimate comfort/ disregard of a budget or limit. A beverage package basically says, I rather not wonder how much a drink is for the entire trip and potentially not even drink the necessary amount of alcohol needed to make such package worth the cost than be bothered with math/ budgeting/ thinking. Maybe in my core I am just really working towards being a beverage package buyer.
        Yet, I am two days away from the cozy comfort of 1536 inside stateroom. Having no windows has made it feel like a cocoon. A safe haven for Jonathan and I to be us. It has now been upgraded with, not one, but two drying lines and 4 extra pillows. 1536 has jolted us forward in relationship in ways we both knew were coming, but did not quite imagine. I haven't laughed so much as I have these past few days. It still surprises me how much of a kids we are.  Yes fart jokes are still funny even at 30. Having no window after said joke... is well unescapable. Maybe this is sharing too much but, that is exactly what Jonathan and I were thrown into: Sharing it all. It has made me realize how much of each other we are still to learn. Our moods, our rhythms.
        We are two days away from Barcelona and I am sad. Sad we leave our cocoon of comfort, pitch black darkness and laughs. It is only now that the concept of being homeless is just starting to sink in. We left our homes to create something and these past two weeks we've had a "home." It has been easy. It has been familiar. It has been all the parts of myself I already know. Now I am going towards parts of me I don't know. Travel in a way I have never done.
        Bike our way to Istanbul. We have said that sentence a couple dozen times as we encounter my fellow cruiser kindred. They look at us in awe and congratulate us for doing such a feat. Most of them are retired with a bum knee or a bad hip and yet here we are among them. Two kids in their eyes telling them about this adventure we are attempting. We speak those words and at times they feel solid. At times I see myself in our listening spectators. The cruisers the comfort seekers, spas and massages. I see myself in the retirees! How ironic. I see myself in them because I see the look they give us, a look of wonder, disbelief and relief. Relief they aren't the ones about to go attempt this. I see myself in those eyes because I see that look staring back at me in the mirror.   Maybe I am just a comfort junkie blue hair (as jonathan calls them) at heart.
        An yet once again a date is fast approaching. I can feel Barcelona closer. 700 and something nautical miles the captain announces over the intercom. Fast forward our watches as we cross another timezone. The days get shorter and I can feel Barcelona closer. I can feel the chaos and fear of this adventure closer. How are we going to get these bikes from the port to the bike shop? In a desperate attempt we attempt to contact our network of people. Maybe someone will be willing to help. So far no luck

As I write this literally overlooking the ship pull out from the port of Cadiz, glass of wine to my left, warm sun at my back with the groomed lawn of the Celebrity Equinox Lawn area teasing me to lay on it I realize that my vacation is over. It has been amazing. Screw first class to Europe, take a TRANSATLANTIC CRUISE.  I am scared. I am much better rested. At times still wondering if I will be able to pull this off. At times confident I can do it. One thing at a time. One little purple post it: We can do this.